It has been a quite a year…or 2(?) The aftermath of a failed relationship, career move, and general feeling of aloneness lead me back to familiar territory -LA - to practice, what I like to call, “Self Preservation”.

Quick Update:

I was teaching yoga and pilates for a year and a half in New York and on a path of self-discovery through my practice. I found that in my experience teaching and doing the trainings I had a natural ability to teach. I learned a lot about how people (rarely) listen and how vital language is to teaching. There are many teaching styles and just as in deciding what kind of artist I want to be, it became clear to me what kind of teacher I want to be. I tried to take the things that I learned about myself through teaching and cultivate a practice off of the mat: Discipline, Non-Judgment, Self-love and Acceptance. In that, I awakened a dormant gift in myself from which I draw my confidence and creativity- my athleticism. For so long I have run from it and tried to put it to rest because being strong (physically), confident, and agile didn’t serve a purpose in the “real world” or with men…

I was in a relationship that conspired to all of the things that I did not want for myself; the part of me that was afraid of success and inevitability of being stuck in a cyclical mess. The teachings and practice that I tried to take off of the mat was negated by the messages I was receiving in my relationship at home: Apathy, Fear, Uncertainty, and Jugdement.

Now, a year and a half into teaching and an unsupportive realtionship , I became frustrated with the lack of time and money I had for my own practice despite the new opportunities and clients that lied on the horizon. My friend approached me about a job opp working for a “big shot” photographer and I was pressured into applying and then taking the job for money’s sake. According to the ex, I had my head in “cicelyland” and could not be taken seriously for a future (wife) if I did not quit teaching (my strength) for a $30k pay increase. Monetarily speaking, it made sense however, at what cost do you sacrifice one’s happiness? My friend (who referred me) was enraged by my reluctance to accept the offer she thought would alleviate me of my financial worries. Enveloped in my fear of being worthless without money and letting my friend down I quit and started on a new track. That experience is for another day- Let’s just say that there was a cosmic resistance to my success in the new position and I was set up to fail. It was for the better.

Fast forward 6 weeks into the job. It’s now July… When I was unexpectedly dumped, I was heart-broken and still being patronized by my ex because it made him feel better to share a space with me as long as he cold preach and look down upon me. I wanted to run away and hide what I felt was my rejected (and obviously ugly) soul. Instead I wiped my tears and got to work. Within 2 weeks I had my roommate (my angel) and a fantastic apartment.


She and discussed our paths as she is 10 years older and in ways I a reflection of her formal self. I couldn’t escape the destructive environment of rumors and constant run-ins with my ex and ex friends. I seemed to be on a new path, but I wanted to open a new chapter. I decided that it was time from a hitatus from BK and get some sunshine, snowboarding, and volleyball back in my life. My roommate gave me a “girl power” pep talk and I was on my way. I dug in with courage and leapt- just as I did 8 years ago when I escaped LA…

I will follow-up on the unfoldings of my great adventure. It’s good to be in the sun.